That's awful. What country are you in? Meta won't ship to unsupported countries, but knowing they shipped you your controllers, I presume that's not the case. Meta are obviously stalling for some weird reason. Maybe you can tell Meta they need to resolve the matter urgently within the next 5 working days or you will formally escalate the issue to your country's consumer affairs department. If you can find a 'formal complaint' template pertaining to your country, use that. I did it once during my RMA process many years ago and it helped to get things moving.
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO META RMAs
Entry #42, subsection: "On the Utter Futility of Expecting a Replacement Headset"
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about Meta RMA address validation systems: "A Meta address validator is a small, temperamental creature that lives in a server rack and survives entirely on a diet of perfectly valid addresses, which it immediately rejects out of spite."
Chapter 1: The Replacement That Never Was
Our protagonist, a perfectly ordinary human who merely wants a functioning Quest 3, sends his faulty device into the void. Meta receives it, nods politely, and immediately returns the controllers for no discernible reason.
The Guide notes: "Meta often returns items that were not requested, possibly because the universe is expanding and they feel the need to contribute."
Chapter 2: The Address Validation Paradox
Meta's system then announces that it cannot validate:
- The user's home
- The neighbour's home
- The in‑laws' home
- Any home
- Any structure
- Any location that exists in three‑dimensional space
The Guide explains: "This is because Meta's address validator operates on the principle that if an address exists, it must be rejected, and if it does not exist, it must also be rejected, but more smugly."
Meta has previously shipped items to the user's address, which the system now insists is fictional. This is known as a Bistromathic Delivery Error, where the act of observing an address causes it to cease existing.
Chapter 3: The Specialized Team
The user is repeatedly assured that a Specialized Team is investigating the issue.
The Guide clarifies: "A Specialized Team is a group of beings who have been placed in a room with no doors and told to 'look into it.' They have been looking into it since the early days of the universe and will continue to do so until heat death."
Chapter 4: The Loop of Infinite Addresses
Meta repeatedly asks the user for another address.
The user provides one.
Meta rejects it.
The user provides another.
Meta rejects it.
The user provides an address that has existed since the Pleistocene.
Meta rejects it.
The Guide notes: "This is a classic example of a Meta Recursive Address Loop, a phenomenon in which the system demands new addresses until the user either transcends physical form or gives up and becomes a towel."
Chapter 5: The Ultimate Question
The user asks: "Where exactly am I supposed to have this sent? A police station?"
The Guide responds: "No. Police stations are notoriously difficult to validate, as they often contain humans, and humans are statistically the least reliable form of address."
Epilogue: Don’t Panic
After two months, the user remains headset‑less, address‑less, and dangerously close to discovering the true meaning of the universe, which is:
"Never expect a replacement device from a system that cannot validate the existence of reality."
The Guide recommends carrying a towel, a sense of humour, and absolutely no expectation of timely customer support.
