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A poignant, thought provoking review of the Rift
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09-15-2013 09:12 AM
*takes a sip of cognac*
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is with great pleasure that I bring you my thorough and precise review of the Oculus Rift. For too long now we've gotten sub par reviews that have unfairly judged what is essentially a "development kit" that exists ONLY to make games. So without further ado, let us finally take a serious look at this device:
First Impressions
So, right out of the gate this device is a COMPLETE FAIL!! LIKE OMG DUDE!? WTF IS WITH THE COLOR!?!? YEAH, LIKE I'M GONNA MAKE A VIRTUAL REALITY DEVICE AND MAKE IT ALL BLACK! AND THE STRAP IS VELCRO!? VELCRO!?!?!?!? I GUESS NO ONE ON THE OCULUSVR TEAM HAS HEARD OF LACES OR ROPE!! LOL...WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?
Install
On to the actual installation of the device now. It seems to be a simple USB/HDMI/DVI/DUAL MONITOR/TRIDEF/VIREIO/EXTENDED DISPLAY/FOV/IPD setup that takes around 2 to 5000 minutes to properly set up. By using the handy config utility (that you need to download from the handy link not provided) you can set your IPD (Important People Develop). Now, your IPD is like....SUPER IMPORTANT because it's the distance between your ability to complain about the lack of immersion and the lack of FOV (Friends, Outdoors, Vaginas). Once it is setup you're ready for the world of VR! As soon as you have a game that can use it. Or a demo. Or Unity knowledge. Or a computer that isn't slow.
Screen Door Effect
There has been much talk of the dreaded "screen door effect". Basically what that means is people think they're looking through a screen door when playing a game because of the black grid they see! GET IT!? BECAUSE THE BLACK GRID LOOKS LIKE A SCREEN DOOR! HAHAHAHA! Oh kids today...ANYWAYS, I'm here to FINALLY put your minds at ease: The screen door effect on the Oculus Rift is hardly noticeable....IF YOU'RE FUCKING BLIND!!! OMG MAN...IT'S TERRIBLE! I MEAN SURE THE 3D EFFECT IS INCREDIBLE AND YOU LOSE YOURSELF IN IT BUT WTF IS WITH THIS BLACK GRID SHIT!?!?!? I WANT IT TO BE AS GOOD AS MY 4680 X 5690 MONITOR, NOT SOME BULLSHIT FROM 1990!! ALL I SEE IS THIS BLACK GRID WHEN THE MONITOR IS LESS THAN 2 INCHES FROM MY FACE AND THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I'VE FILED TEN LAWSUITS AND SOLD MY RIFT ON EBAY TO PROTEST THIS FALSE ADVERTISEMENT OF A DEVELOPER KIT THAT'S NOT DESIGNED FOR CONSUMER USE.......POWER TO THE CONSUMER!!!
3D Effect
I can finally relax and talk about the positives of the Rift such as the 3D effect. When you put on the Rift you'll notice a completely black screen. After turning it on you'll notice what you're trying to play. I fired up Half Life 2 simply by adding a "-vr" command line to the properties under launch options and changing the Beta to the SteamPipe Beta and extending the desktop in Display properties...see? SIMPLE! Once the game started I swept away to a different world. A world where images were CRISS CROSSED ON THE FUCKING SCREEN! WHY AM I SEEING DUAL IMAGES IN THE CENTER AND WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS BLACK AROUND ME!? THERE'S TOO MUCH OF IT! IT'S LIKE I'M WEARING SOME SORT OF BLINDERS THAT HORSES USE....ALMOST LIKE HORSE BLINDERS! I MEAN SURE IT LOOKED LIKE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I GOT VERTIGO WHEN GOING UP AND DOWN STAIRS BECAUSE THE 3D WAS SO GOOD BUT COME ON MAN! I ONLY WANT TO SEE THE SCREEN AND NOTHING ELSE!!! GET THIS FIXED!
Final Conclusion
In conclusion, the real question is this: Should I buy an Oculus Rift with the consumer version RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AT HOLIDAY 2014? The short answer is: Yes. The medium answer is: Fuck yes. The longer answer is: Holy fuck, yes! I've never used anything like this. The 3D is so convincing that it's almost scary. Playing through Half Life 2 with the Oculus Rift is something I'll never forget. It was worth the price for that alone...(and looking at the tits of that one hot model in those multi-light scans). My decision to buy one was simple. I asked myself this: Do you want to be a part of history as this technology grows or do you want to wait. I don't like waiting. I regret nothing. I use it everyday.
...BUT OMFG MAN, WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS BLACK SHIT AROUND MY VISION!?!?!??!
0/10 - EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!11111111one. :?:
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is with great pleasure that I bring you my thorough and precise review of the Oculus Rift. For too long now we've gotten sub par reviews that have unfairly judged what is essentially a "development kit" that exists ONLY to make games. So without further ado, let us finally take a serious look at this device:
First Impressions
So, right out of the gate this device is a COMPLETE FAIL!! LIKE OMG DUDE!? WTF IS WITH THE COLOR!?!? YEAH, LIKE I'M GONNA MAKE A VIRTUAL REALITY DEVICE AND MAKE IT ALL BLACK! AND THE STRAP IS VELCRO!? VELCRO!?!?!?!? I GUESS NO ONE ON THE OCULUSVR TEAM HAS HEARD OF LACES OR ROPE!! LOL...WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?
Install
On to the actual installation of the device now. It seems to be a simple USB/HDMI/DVI/DUAL MONITOR/TRIDEF/VIREIO/EXTENDED DISPLAY/FOV/IPD setup that takes around 2 to 5000 minutes to properly set up. By using the handy config utility (that you need to download from the handy link not provided) you can set your IPD (Important People Develop). Now, your IPD is like....SUPER IMPORTANT because it's the distance between your ability to complain about the lack of immersion and the lack of FOV (Friends, Outdoors, Vaginas). Once it is setup you're ready for the world of VR! As soon as you have a game that can use it. Or a demo. Or Unity knowledge. Or a computer that isn't slow.
Screen Door Effect
There has been much talk of the dreaded "screen door effect". Basically what that means is people think they're looking through a screen door when playing a game because of the black grid they see! GET IT!? BECAUSE THE BLACK GRID LOOKS LIKE A SCREEN DOOR! HAHAHAHA! Oh kids today...ANYWAYS, I'm here to FINALLY put your minds at ease: The screen door effect on the Oculus Rift is hardly noticeable....IF YOU'RE FUCKING BLIND!!! OMG MAN...IT'S TERRIBLE! I MEAN SURE THE 3D EFFECT IS INCREDIBLE AND YOU LOSE YOURSELF IN IT BUT WTF IS WITH THIS BLACK GRID SHIT!?!?!? I WANT IT TO BE AS GOOD AS MY 4680 X 5690 MONITOR, NOT SOME BULLSHIT FROM 1990!! ALL I SEE IS THIS BLACK GRID WHEN THE MONITOR IS LESS THAN 2 INCHES FROM MY FACE AND THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I'VE FILED TEN LAWSUITS AND SOLD MY RIFT ON EBAY TO PROTEST THIS FALSE ADVERTISEMENT OF A DEVELOPER KIT THAT'S NOT DESIGNED FOR CONSUMER USE.......POWER TO THE CONSUMER!!!
3D Effect
I can finally relax and talk about the positives of the Rift such as the 3D effect. When you put on the Rift you'll notice a completely black screen. After turning it on you'll notice what you're trying to play. I fired up Half Life 2 simply by adding a "-vr" command line to the properties under launch options and changing the Beta to the SteamPipe Beta and extending the desktop in Display properties...see? SIMPLE! Once the game started I swept away to a different world. A world where images were CRISS CROSSED ON THE FUCKING SCREEN! WHY AM I SEEING DUAL IMAGES IN THE CENTER AND WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS BLACK AROUND ME!? THERE'S TOO MUCH OF IT! IT'S LIKE I'M WEARING SOME SORT OF BLINDERS THAT HORSES USE....ALMOST LIKE HORSE BLINDERS! I MEAN SURE IT LOOKED LIKE PEOPLE WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I GOT VERTIGO WHEN GOING UP AND DOWN STAIRS BECAUSE THE 3D WAS SO GOOD BUT COME ON MAN! I ONLY WANT TO SEE THE SCREEN AND NOTHING ELSE!!! GET THIS FIXED!
Final Conclusion
In conclusion, the real question is this: Should I buy an Oculus Rift with the consumer version RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AT HOLIDAY 2014? The short answer is: Yes. The medium answer is: Fuck yes. The longer answer is: Holy fuck, yes! I've never used anything like this. The 3D is so convincing that it's almost scary. Playing through Half Life 2 with the Oculus Rift is something I'll never forget. It was worth the price for that alone...(and looking at the tits of that one hot model in those multi-light scans). My decision to buy one was simple. I asked myself this: Do you want to be a part of history as this technology grows or do you want to wait. I don't like waiting. I regret nothing. I use it everyday.
...BUT OMFG MAN, WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS BLACK SHIT AROUND MY VISION!?!?!??!
0/10 - EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!11111111one. :?:
17 REPLIES 17
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09-16-2013 11:47 AM
I'm confused. Every bullet point was negative but the final conclusion was positive?
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09-16-2013 12:11 PM
Huh?
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Anonymous
Not applicable
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09-16-2013 12:26 PM
Two negatives make a positive
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09-16-2013 12:40 PM
"brantlew" wrote:
I'm confused. Every bullet point was negative but the final conclusion was positive?
It was most likely making fun of people who complain about the Rift even though it's only a Dev Kit (and pretty amazing for a Dev Kit too!)
Ordered 27/09/13 Order Status -=ARRIVED!!!=-
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09-16-2013 12:55 PM
"cybereality" wrote:
Huh?
Well said.
i7 3820
16 gigs of Ram
GTX 780ti
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10-01-2013 05:05 PM
LMFAO! Well OF COURSE I was being sarcastic! This was a dig at people who always complain about the same tired shit all the time. I figured, if I write a review that bashes the Rift worse than they ever could then we wouldn't hear anything from them....oh how I was wrong! 😄
Yes, it was my intention to make the review appear negative while slipping in positives! SUCH A SLY DOG!
Your confusion has pleased me, but know that I LOVE the Rift! 😛
No......no you are not.
I'll have you know that my day job pays an excellent salary and has comparable benefits! So no, I WILL NOT quit it!
The Rift is less of an atrocity than Miley Cyrus....which is to say it isn't.
More than 20....less than 150.
"brantlew" wrote:
I'm confused. Every bullet point was negative but the final conclusion was positive?
Yes, it was my intention to make the review appear negative while slipping in positives! SUCH A SLY DOG!
"cybereality" wrote:
Huh?
Your confusion has pleased me, but know that I LOVE the Rift! 😛
"madmick" wrote:(and looking at the tits of that one hot model in those multi-light scans)....so I am not the only perv on this forum :mrgreen:
No......no you are not.
"Kamus" wrote:
Don't quit your day job!
I'll have you know that my day job pays an excellent salary and has comparable benefits! So no, I WILL NOT quit it!
"Frooxius" wrote:
With things like this, I'm always unsure whether it's meant to be satire/joke (or worse, just trolling or angry hateful outbursts (I've met a few people who just bash anything successful, including the Rift no matter what) or if someone actually could mean this seriously. 🙂
Well what I usually say, you're entitled to opinion that Rift is an atrocity (if you actually do hold it) as I am entitled to disagree with it as well as other people ^^ Also that there are more civil ways to present constructive criticism.
The Rift is less of an atrocity than Miley Cyrus....which is to say it isn't.
"Ruudscorner" wrote:
How many sips did you take? o_O
More than 20....less than 150.
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10-01-2013 06:44 PM
Take two aspirin and call your therapist in the morning.
Make Life 3D
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10-01-2013 07:05 PM
I knew the whole time what you were going to say at the end, "Should I buy the Oculus Rift? - HELL YES!"
RirtualVeality - Your screen name sounds like Scooby Doo, pretty cool! :lol:
RirtualVeality - Your screen name sounds like Scooby Doo, pretty cool! :lol:
“My ally is the Force. Life creates it, makes it grow. It’s energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we…not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree, the rock…everywhere!"
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