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RuneSR2
Honored Contributor
March 19, 2019
Question

The Joke Thread

I'll be happy to start  o:)

After 20 years of marriage, a wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
She figures there's no harm in it if she's there with him, after all.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a glass of red wine.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink that?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real witch tonight, Dave."

    166 replies

    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    December 14, 2021

     

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"
    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    December 20, 2021

     

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"
    New Participant
    January 7, 2022

    Did you guys hear about Joe?

    MetaStoreHelp
    Community Manager
    January 7, 2022

    Joe who?

    If you're the author of a thread, remember to mark a reply as the Accepted Solution to help others find answers!
    New Participant
    January 7, 2022

    Joe Gargery.

    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    August 12, 2022

    Still great fun to watch 😂

     

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"
    Choleni
    Honored Contributor
    September 4, 2022

    🤣🤣Thanks for that!

     

    FunkyTanuki
    Honored Contributor
    September 15, 2022

    Once there was a man who was traveling a foreign country. While traveling his car broke down in front of a temple. A monk came out of the temple, led him inside, fed him, housed him for the night and even fixed his car. That night, the traveler heard a loud mysterious sound coming from the other end of the temple. The next morning he asked the monks what the noise was. The monks replied "we cannot tell you, for you are not a monk."

     

    The traveler accepts this and goes off on his travels again. Years later he happens to break down in front of the temple again. The same monk finds him, feeds him, houses him and fixes his car again. That night the traveler hears the same noise he heard years before. The next morning he asks again what this sound is and the monks reply "we still cannot tell you, for you are not a monk."

     

    The traveler, obsessed with finding the source of this noise, decides on becoming a monk and asks what he must do. The monks reply "you must tell us how many blades of grass there are in the world, then you may begin your journey as a monk."

     

    The traveler sets out to find the answer to how many blades of grass there are in the world. 17 years later, the traveler returns to the temple. The monks approach him and ask "what knowledge do you have for us?" "There are 1,24,615,350,000 blades of grass on this Earth," replies the traveler. The monks accept this answer and declare him a monk. The man asks to see the source of the sound and the monks agree.

     

    They lead the traveler to a wooden door, but when the traveler attempts to open it, he finds that it's locked. The traveler asks for the key and the monks hand it to him. He unlocks the door and behind it is a door made of iron. He asks for the key and the monks oblige. The traveler continues this, opening more and more doors. One of Steel, one of emerald, one of sapphire, one of gold until he reach a door made of ruby. The monks inform him that behind this door is the source of the sound.

     

    The man asks for the key and the monks hand it to him. He unlocks the door, swinging it open slowly. The man looks into the room and finally sees the source of the sound.

     

    But I can't tell you what it is because you are not a monk.

    "I Have Found That People Lie, Most Often Deceiving Themselves. Not So The Dead. The Dead Are So Very, Very Loud. And Yet, Lying Is Not In Their Nature. It Is So... Humbling, To Listen To The Dead Speak."
    AsgardsFinest
    Inspiring
    September 15, 2022

    Today in New York City, detectives detailed the recent capture and interrogation of infamous mob hitman Bugsy "Two Shoes" Malone.

     

    Of the many stories told of his deeds, one in particular stood out. Bugsy told of a time when he was contracted to take out the prized ox of a wealthy cattle baron in China. He elaborated to explain the job was carried out with a large jade figurine.

     

    This is significant because it marks the first documented case of a nick knack paddy whack.

    Ad Astra Per Aspera, Trooper.
    AwaltAugust
    Participant
    September 15, 2022

    One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference

     

    On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

     

    "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

     

    The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

     

    "That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

     

    So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

     

    But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

     

    The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

     

    "Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    November 15, 2022

    A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor, and Clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.

    A week later the man died.

    At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.

    The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.

    By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends.

    I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"
    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    November 26, 2022

     

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"
    RuneSR2
    RuneSR2Author
    Honored Contributor
    January 5, 2023

    Sorry for my bad manners, I completely forgot to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023! 🥂

    Unfortunately, 2022 was a very demanding year - with the war in Ukraine and growing tension between other countries - and rising prices etc. It will be interesting what 2023 will bring! 🍀 🤞

     

    Oculus Rift CV1, Valve Index & PSVR2, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 16TB SSD "Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"