No English UK voices again

TITLE: "The Ministry of Silly Voices"

CAST:

• Mr. Praline – befuddled customer
• Shopkeeper – unhelpful, suspiciously cheerful
• Inspector Nibbs – from the Ministry of Silly Voices
• The Glasses – occasionally speak on their own

Scene: A tiny electronics shop. A sign reads: "Ray-Ban Meta Glasses - Now With 300% More Confusion!"

Mr. Praline: (Storms in, waving his glasses) I wish to register a complaint! These AI glasses have lost their celebrity voices!

Shopkeeper: Lost them, sir?

Mr. Praline: Yes! One moment I had John Cena narrating my grocery list, and the next-poof!-gone! Replaced by three voices that sound like disgruntled lift attendants!

Shopkeeper: Ah, yes, the Disappearing Celebrity Voice Feature. Very popular.

Mr. Praline: POPULAR?! It's about as popular as a wasp in a wetsuit! I paid good money to have Awkwafina tell me when to turn left!

Shopkeeper: Well, have you tried turning the glasses off and on again?

Mr. Praline: Of course I have! I've turned them off, on, sideways, inside‑out, and once into a small origami swan!

The Glasses: (in a dull monotone) Hello. I am Generic Voice Number Two. I enjoy beige.

Mr. Praline: See?! That's not John Cena! John Cena does not enjoy beige!

Shopkeeper: Well, sir, celebrity voices do tend to wander. Very independent creatures. Sometimes they migrate.

Mr. Praline: MIGRATE?!

Shopkeeper: Oh yes. Usually around software update season. They flap their little digital wings and fly off to warmer servers.

Mr. Praline: This is ridiculous!

Inspector Nibbs enters, wearing an enormous hat shaped like a megaphone.

Inspector Nibbs: I'm from the Ministry of Silly Voices. I understand there's been a disappearance?

Mr. Praline: Yes! My glasses used to sound like celebrities. Now they sound like a bored tax accountant!

Inspector Nibbs: Hmm. (Examines glasses) Ah yes, classic case of Celebritus Vanishus. Happens when the firmware becomes emotionally unstable.

Mr. Praline: Emotionally unstable?!

Inspector Nibbs: Oh yes. These glasses are very sensitive. Say something harsh like "You're not as good as the Apple Vision Pro," and the celebrity voices pack their bags and leave.

Shopkeeper: Tragic, really.

Mr. Praline: Well how do I get them back?

Inspector Nibbs: You must perform the Ritual of Re‑Pairing.

Mr. Praline: What does that involve?

Inspector Nibbs: Standing on one leg, holding the glasses aloft, and shouting: "AWKWAFINA, RETURN TO ME!" while performing interpretive dance.

Mr. Praline: That's absurd!

Inspector Nibbs: Monty Python sketch, sir. Comes with the territory.

The Glasses: (in monotone) I enjoy beige.

Mr. Praline: I'm going to throw these in the nearest lake.

Shopkeeper: Excellent choice, sir! That usually summons John Cena.

Mr. Praline: Really?

Shopkeeper: No. But it's fun to watch.

Curtain falls.

Maccyb123​ Choleni​